Another New Season

It's nearly July and that can mean but one thing: hunting season. I just printed up my hunting license to kill (the small version) and was preparing to begin my annual onslaught against the ants when a singular event occurred. I was in the kitchen scouting out ideal locations for the sweet, sweet nectar of death that ants crave when a rodent bumped into my ankle.

It surprised me more than her (or him), not the least because I don't, in fact, resemble the old lady from the nursery rhyme. Also, and more importantly, it led me to exchange my ant hunting license for the varmint variety.

Although I didn't leap onto a chair, I didn't get a good look at the critter, either. It may have been a mouse, it may have been a small rat, but I wasn't convinced there's any functional difference, anyway. It was an unwelcome guest in my kitchen.

Ideally I'd devise a means of catapulting the critter out of my property. I've had luck in the past with putting a handful of dry dog food in the bottom of a plastic bucket near the steps that lead to the back yard, but not often. What's ideal about that method is the mouse smells the food, steps off the step to get it, and ends up trapped in the bottom of the bucket. Then, it's a short ride in a shoe box in the early morning to the refuse bins behind some fast food place I never go to.

But that takes two things: luck and time. While rodent hunting season, I've decided, doesn't officially begin until the first of the month, housecleaning may begin this weekend.

I went to the store and bought some traps. Two of the old, wooden and baitable variety and two plastic ones ("Power Kill Rat Trap") that trip when stepped on. I think that should be enough, but I'm never convinced they're ruthless enough. A cat or terrier, I think, would be much better at hunting down my enemies.

It would be better, of course, to use poison, but there's a couple problems with that tactic. One, if successful, there ends up being a smelly corpse stuck in the wall or under the house half the time and while that stench doesn't last long it's hardly conducive to enhancing my appetite. The other is that I have the unwarranted fear that one of the dogs will find and eat the poisoned remains and follow the little rodent over that rainbow bridge.

Yeah, I know, it's completely unrealistic. My dog has never eaten roadkill or even expressed much interest in it, but it's not a logical impossibility. These traps will have to be set in places the dogs can't get to or step on, but I'm optimistic that they'll be more successful than I would be if I got a pellet gun and played Rambo.

So, the traps are set and while you're reading this, I'm huting.