Dammit. I can't wait until tomorrow when they tell me who won that debate.

Kerry gets points for being eloquent and reasonable but spent all his time telling us things instead of answering the questions. Can the man stay on topic for two minutes? Maybe these people have it right.

Bush just depresses me more every time I see him. I just want someone I like.

Personally, I'm tackling private demons, the ones that prevent me from having much of a social life. When I'm not making errors of judgement or being hypocritical I'm busy making errors of commission. I recognize that. What I can't get my arms around is how much I want to be accepted and how little I'm willing to change to be acceptable. I don't want to fight all the time, want to be comfortable and relaxed, and I keep doing shit that drives everyone around me to confront and challenge me. Will I ever learn?

Tomorrow...the first debate, sponsored by The Commission on Presidential Debates.

If only it was sponsored by Doritos or Goodyear or somebody, like a Superbowl halftime report.

You may recall when the debates were sponsored by the networks or by the League of Women Voters, an independent group who had the balls to stand up to the Republican and Democratic National Committees. The LOWV set the rules and the parties followed along. That went on until the late eighties, when the parties decided they wanted to run them and created the Commission on Presidential Debates.

If you didn't know, the CPD was formed by top guys at the two parties and is as independent as a tapeworm. Since the debates are popular and used by many to judge candidates, the CPD wanted to make sure their candidates would shine. What we have now is nothing except a PR staging.

The candidates have a short time to answer a question known in advance posed by a moderator. This means Mr. Kerry, for example, gets to script a perfect answer, saying just what he wants us to hear. The candidates are NOT allowed to directly question each other, which removes any semblance to a debate, and just go back and forth reciting rehearsed speeches. President Bush, for example, gets to ignore anything his opponent says and merely hit his taught speaking points.

And the gullible American public just eats it up, electing the assclown we deserve. I'm proud that the PR teams and campaign strategists get to choose our leader, and that so many of us enjoy being duped and manipulated.

May the best party apparatus win!

Now, more than ever, I wonder why I do this.

I'm not big on writing about events in my life or plans or clever ideas. Human beings are something like ninety percent emotional and that's the stuff I find interesting. I know I no longer have a following here and maybe it was my earlier entries that did me in. Still, I find recitations of my trip to the bike store no more thrilling than you do.

I guess it's okay to read about happenings in other's lives since I do some reasoning to determine why he or she feels so strongly about it that they want to share it with the world.

Blogs have been in the news a lot lately, as some sort of new arm of journalism. There have been blogging events and it's surely the wave of the future to be part of the blogging community. I'm just not sure that what I do or feel or am going through is the type of thing that's blogworthy.

Maybe it will be good to see if I can write something here every day for a month. It's like most of my writing and tantamount to shouting down a well, but I guess it will leave some sort of record of my passage.

One of the more tiring and distasteful ramifications of being a fuckup is that I'm continually dealing with people who are mad at me.

One would think I'd learn. I'm being optimistic thinking a belated cake will solve anything.

I took one of those Internet Tests

Linguistic: 7
Logical-Mathematical: 7
Spatial: 5
Bodily-Kinesthetic: 9
Musical: 2
Interpersonal: 5
Intrapersonal: 9

A Short Definition of your Highest Score

Bodily-Kinesthetic - the ability to use the body and tools to take effective action or to construct or repair, to build rapport to console and persuade, and to support others, to plan strategically or to critique the actions of the body, to appreciate the aesthetics of the body and to use those values to create new forms of expression. Possible vocations that use the bodily-kinesthetic intelligence include mechanic, trainer, contractor, craftsperson, tool and dye maker, coach, counselor, salesperson, sports analyst, professional athlete, dance critic, sculptor, choreographer, actor, dancer or puppeteer.

Intrapersonal - the ability to assess one's own strengths, weaknesses, talents, and interests and use them to set goals, to understand oneself to be of service to others, to form and develop concepts and theories based on an examination of oneself, and to reflect on one's inner moods, intuitions, and temperament and to use them to create or express a personal view. Possible vocations that use the intrapersonal intelligence include planner, small business owner, psychologist, artist, religious leader, and writer.

I don't so much track my mood as notice it.

I've never studied it, just been curious about it. I know events can change it but there was something on Nova or somewhere I saw once that had to do with human happiness values. What I remember from that show is that every human has some sort of baseline happiness value and that was set in something incredible, like the first six months following birth.

I don't know if that's my problem or not. The question I always return to is if my three isn't what someone else would call "really good" or if my lows are worse or better than others. I don't know what causes my descents, but I've grown used to them and they don't shake me as much as they should. I'm seeing now they're harder on those around me who care then they are on me and I really need to work harder to disguise them.

Maybe, now that my birthday has passed, it's time for me to grow up and act mature. Instead of throwing myself into pleasures or depths of despair, I should be normal, more even-keeled, less flighty and self-obsessed.

Maybe that's my new year's resolution.

Dammit.

I was sure this one was true. I'd spent the last month testing batteries, drinking plenty of fluids, buying sand, arranging my affairs , and all we get is a damn heat wave.

Okay. According to the weather channel today sets a LA mark for the hottest Sep 4th, ever, beating the old record by three or four whopping degrees, a record that had stood for over five years!

Go mercury!

This is, of course, good desert practice for me. Also, it's excellent for testing deoderants.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, maybe because I've just had another birthday. While this one was far better than any in my recent past, I'm still mindful of all that mortality crap.

These people may be my answer.