My Gripe With Lawyers

It's pretty simple, really. What I have against lawyers is that they don't want me in their world.

Years ago I was watching the OJ Simpson trial and in the beginning, during the questioning of one of the police lab workers or something, a very innocuous question was asked by a member of the defense team. I don't remember it exactly, but think I do, and it went something like this:

"Did you do your best possible job (when you handled the evidence)?"

That's when I realized that, if they don't want me dead, most people want me off their planet. It's a very good question, and one I'd hate to answer under oath. I can't recall ever, in doing anything, not doing the "best" possible. As far as I'm concerned, there's always room for improvement.

Not one thing is ever done perfectly, not when I add in hindsight, so I'd have to honestly answer "no" to that and similar questions. And that answer, I've learned, implies that I'm a total slackard and ambivalent. Lawyers, and others, would eat it up.

Since I can always imagine doing things better, not one thing has been done to the best of my ability. Not one. Nada. Zilch. Zero. I can always a do a better job, from everything from tying my shoelaces to writing an entry for my blog. Not one has been done the "best," which to me means perfectly.

Not everyone, of course, would say they want me dead since I can't be perfect, but I think they'd all agree that I should change. I'm not sure what their answer would be if I told them I refuse to change, so that's why I came up with that "get off my planet" thing.

In the end, it's all the same. Every accident is preventable, at least in hindsight, so if I'm ever hauled into court for causing one, I'm dead meat. Lawyers must live in a perfect world, one I'm not qualified to join.