Blowing My Mind

I try to explode my head on a fairly regular basis, but so far, no luck.

Back when I was young and impressionable I read or heard about an unfortunate person who was unable to forget anything. I don't know if it was a psych report from the 1800s or just a story, but the essence of it was that this poor sap, being unable to filter his thoughts or his mind's contents, ended up an insane, gibbering mess and may have died.

Whether or not it's true, it's something I mull over from time to time and wonder about. I usually picture it as having a mind that's racing without restraint, bombarded with memories, and I can't say it's a pleasant thought. Being like that probably would drive someone crazy and blow a gasket or two in the brain.

Since my mind doesn't work that way, though, I try to blow it up several times a week using a wider approach. Instead of speeding too many items through my more limited faculties, I try to make my mind explode by attempting to overflow it by filling it with all the things going on at any particular moment.

I think I first considered this when I was in court. My appearance, naturally, consumed my thoughts for the few days before I was scheduled to appear, but during and after the proceedings I noticed the other people in the court and thought about them as well. The day, I decided, was crucially important for those of us on one side of the aisle, but was just another Wednesday or whatever for those who worked there. My life and freedom and all that jazz was on the line, but for the clerks and judge, it was just business as usual. The day after my appointment I'd be done worrying about the judicial system, but they'd be there doing the same ol' for another room full of people who'd spent the previous few days tossing and turning over their fate.

My life, my world, would have moved on to other things while other people would be taking my place shuffling before the judge and the clerks would be filling out the same paperwork with only the names and numbers slightly different.

I still think, occasionally, about what's going on in nameless courtrooms and how nameless people are being sentenced or released and the clerks and bailiffs are chatting about new items in the cafeteria or the weekend's events. The decisions made by the court will profoundly affect the lives of people who've obsessed about the outcome for days, but I know nothing about it and never will.

But that's not all.

After having spent most of my life in the business world, I think about all the crises that come up. I can't see a movie opening or product rollout or anything without giving at least a little thought to how hectic it must have been the last week. People I don't know had their lives focused on getting some color right on a flyer or arranging for seating or babysitting while I've been in innocent denial of what's been going on.

At any given moment there are people frantically trying to put things right. Except in rare cases, I never get to see all the behind the scenes scurrying around and am ignorant of the incredible pressures put on people. A new webpage is needed, the manufacturer can't ship handles for hair brushes, a Power Point presentation isn't loading correctly, banners have been misplaced, a nervous kid finally decides to walk up to a cute girl to ask her out, there's no wood left for a fire, all kinds of things are going on ... right not ... that I'm unaware of that are crucial to those involved.

I try to consider all the things that are going on a few times each week. These life-changing moments are occurring all the time, all at once, and I keep thinking that if I could be made aware of them, my brain would explode.

Every minute of every day supremely important things are happening and here I am, wondering about breasts again.