To V or not to V

I could be, but am not, talking about the old TV sci-fi show. You know the one, with the hot chick who ate mice.

My brush with them will have to wait for another time. Right now I'm talking about the other V, vitamins. Vitamins and I have had a checkered past I think the term is. When I was growing up I was given, daily, a little red One-a-Day and what I remember most is the taste of the sugary covering. That, and how they melted in your hands, unlike something else I could mention.

I guess later generations missed those because of the red dye scare. For whatever reason, they're no longer around, but I keep looking when I think of taking vitamins.

And taking vitamins is something I do every several years. Last year it was suggested I do so again, and since the woman so instructing me was easy on the eyes I followed her every argument with rapt attention and nodded dumbly to stay in her favor. Just the other day my one year supply ran out, and now I'm without.

What I like best about vitamins, of course, is how they color my pee. While indicative of waste, that lets me know they're working. Were it not for that feature, I'd have no way of knowing if I was taking them or not.

Years ago I stumbled into the vitamin and supplement aisle by error while looking for something to help me. My first thought was there's lots of things that, if needed as part of my diet, I wasn't getting. I have no idea how much shark cartilage or bee pollen I should be getting, but whatever the amount, if it was more than "none" I wasn't getting it. For a few months I took those, and at other times saw palmetto and St John's wort, and from my exhaustive testing I think I've found a suitable replacement for sugar pills in case you're conducting a blind test involving diabetics.

It occurred to me that shark cartilage might work on magical principles. If my cartilage were bad or wearing out nothing makes more sense than ingesting the cartilage of an animal that, to the best of my knowledge, is never known to suffer aches.

In any case, my latest exercise in taking vitamins has run its course. I have to admit that without taking that daily pill I run the hazard of not getting enough of all kinds of things deemed healthy, but judging from my waistline I'm getting plenty of something.