The hell with it.

Damn. There's no text version, only a Realaudio clip. You can get it from the PBS site.

On the news tonight Shashi Tharoor, the U.N. undersecretary general for communications and public information, listed ten stories that have been pushed off the page by the world's focus on Iraq. He listed them, chosen from over sixty listed by the agency heads at the UN. I know, there's little to be done about the world's problems, but I think it's my duty to know what's happening on my planet. Rises in coffee prices don't affect too many Americans, who pay over three dollars to get it from Starbucks, and happenings in the Sudan and Nigeria aren't as important to viewers of the nightly news as exploding car tires or the fact that a reduced carbohydrate diet results in bad breath. Still, I think it helps to keep things in perspective by knowing that probably 90% of the world would kill for my problems.

The news stories mentioned aren't all bad, either. As Mr Tharoor points out, good news never makes it on TV, but years of fighting and slavery and genocide in places like Liberia and Rowanda have stopped, and the people there are living in relative peace for the first time in their lives. I smiled when I heard that (even though I kinda knew), knowing that existence was a trifle better for a couple million people.

And I laughed--though not out loud--at this tidbit on CNBC. On Wall Street they use the term "factor in" to describe how changes in the world affect stock prices. Thus, if there's going to be coffee shortage, Starbuck's stock may fall (since they'll be spending more for their supply and won't be able to pass on the additional expense immediately). After the coffee price goes up, Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts, Dennys, and Folgers stocks will go down. After a time, the prices will adjust (after the panic) and they'll say that the increased commodity (coffee) price has been factored into the stock price.

Today, in response totremendous news from Mexico, one trader quipped "Aliens aren't factored in to the market."

Too discouraged and depressed to write anything.

The front yard and street are full of people taking my present and future, demanding things I can't provide.

If I were even remotely capable of being considerate of other people, or successful by anyone's definition, today would be my 20th wedding anniversary.

I'm told Cinco de Mayo isn't anything at all in Mexico, that it's mostly an American holiday. If that's true, my guess is it was manufactured, like St Valentine's Day or Kwanzaa, because we needed something in May and we'd already had a whole day to celebrate the Irish. It certainly isn't celebrating anything worthy of much pride. Beating the French earns few points, and even fewer since they ignored the rules and attacked with half the force necessary to overcome a defense.

The fires continue in So Cal. These are all close to my niece and her family (her son, her exes, and their families), but the area they live in is developed and I doubt they're in any real danger. Still, I'd expect they'd have to do a lot of cleaning before the next barbecue, what with all the ash and all.

Speaking of development, in addition to our $30,000 plumbing, the house next door and across the street are both being remodeled. In front of my home our neighbors have parked their SUV before heading off for places unknown. Now it's in the way not only of our plumbers, but also for the cement truck scheduled to arrive for next door. Lots of people running around, all in construction boots and looking more manly than I do, everywhere except across the street. If someone shows up there to work, we can ask them to get hold of the owners and move the truck. In the meantime, I have strange trucks parked on the lawn, enabling the larger delivery trucks to block off the street.

I'd like something good to happen today.

I thougtht we were done with this last year.

In fact, I didn't go and visit my ravaged state, but I had the impression just about everything flammable (all that "fuel" the firefighters keep talking about) was already burned to a crisp. Now, it turns out, this year may be even worse, even more deadly and horrific.

If this is a sign of the final days--and what else can it be?--maybe I should pay more attention to
these people.

In other news, I heard something incredibly brilliant from one of those political pundits. I've been upset for years about how politicians never answer the questions put to them by reporters or interviewers, but now it's clear as an azure sky of deepest summer.

Polotics 101, lesson six: Answer the question you wish you'd been asked.

It always bothers me when they ask a question and the respondant doesn't answer. Worse, no one ever points it out or insists on getting the answer. Since everyone but me knows this rule, now it makes sense.

I still don't like it, though.

I could totally kick those kids's asses on Junior Jeopardy.

I suck at regular Jeopardy!. I've been watching it the last few weeks, though, since
Mario Bartiromo mentioned a couple weeks ago that she'd be on. No, I'm not in love with her or anything, but she's on, talking about stocks, when I watch CNBC to see how much worse my financial future is. Turns out I think she's on next week, but that's not the point.

Watching Jeopardy! has taught me that many more people know a lot more about things than I do. I think a lot, some might say too much, but I'm not very in touch with things and haven't studied the kind of things you know to win at Jeopardy! I know a few paintings by some artists, a little bit about well-known music, but could never compete with the braniacs on the show. I'm one of those "I know what I like" kind of guys, more than the studying ones.

I keep thinking about Rosie on White Men Can't Jump and an article in GQ or some place years ago about a guy who made it onto the show. All I remember is that you're asked to bring five changes of clothes, so it can look like the shows were taped on different days.

But...and this is the key...while I don't get all the answers, I could probably win against the kids. Not today, of course, since the eldest girl--a twelve year old--knew something about Yellowstone Park that I didn't, but I would have won against the eleven year old challengers. Got to figure out how to do one of those Big things, or Freaky Friday, and make me some money.

I'd hate to know me.

I've been thinking about the people I've attracted and am attracted to and, other than me, I have no idea what they have in common. I wouldn't introduce any of them to each other, and I certainly can't imagine introducing any of them to myself.

I've heard that we're attracted to people who are about as attractive as we are, but that can't be true. The women who've been attracted to me are always cute, the men run the gamut. While the women were all pretty, funny, and sharp, not all my men friends were funny. About the only thing I can think of that we all shared was an unwillingness to gossip.

People who are attracted to me don't read People magazine. I was thinking of that today when I went to the supermarket and saw all the magazines next to the checkstand. I don't think anyone I've ever been close with has regularly read any of them. Evening that out, though, was a good friend's roomate, who took pictures for Star.

Whatever it is that attracts so many people to follow Britney and Michael Jackson's life, it isn't the kind of thing that causes one to enjoy my company. It doesn't bother me that this excludes me three-fourths of the population, but it may explain why I'm so bored at cocktail parties.

Who the hell would I set me up with on a blind date? I'd hate to do that, and that's why I'd hate to know me.