Expanding Horizons

Today, in a little over two hours, I lost count of the number of new experiences somewhere around six.

It was, for me, dentist day, and I got to meet my student dentist, whose name is Shervin. I have a loose tooth (note spelling), which I expect to get worse, so I signed up to be a candidate for dental students at UCLA. I was accepted, and today I went down for my first visit.

They explained that the process may take some time, and they aren't kidding. Today I had an exam that lasted over two hours and was more thoroughly examined than at any time in my life. I can say for a fact that no one has ever seen the underside of my tongue quite as well, nor as long.

One cool thing was the slowly spinning plate x-ray that covers the whole mouth. On my preliminary check-out, about six weeks ago, I was seated in a chair with one plate on each side of my head. The plates revolved slowly, maybe fifteen seconds, and today I got to see the results. I look a lot like a monkey undergoing g-force testing.

In addition to have my tongue wrapped in gauze and pulled every which way and having no fewer than three people simultaneously staring into my mouth, my skin was checked, as were my lymph glands, blood pressure, pulse, and breathing rate. Also, I got to close my eyes and respond to some sort of tactile sensation test. Another doctor, Tiffany, administered this one. She stroked my cheek with a cotton swab and said "soft," then poked the other one gently with a toothpick and said "sharp." I had to close my eyes and answer correctly what she was doing as I was stroked and poked all over my face, and I'm proud to say I got them all right.

I also had to sign some papers acknowledging receipt of a four page, 137th generation copy of a list of dental materials and their properties. I'm glad I'm not a woman since they're more apt to have an allergic reaction to nickel.

I also completed the most detailed medical history inteview I can ever recall. Of course, I got many of the dates wrong, but I didn't attempt to explain to the students that five or ten years no longer represents a huge percentage of my life. It all happened "a while back." No other dentist, ever, has noticed the scarring of my lower lip, the result of having been hit by a car some time around 1980, and that produced a lengthy explanation of the suture scars that I didn't even know still existed.

Also, I was distinctly aware of a generation gap. Before Shervin or Tiffany were even walking on the planet I was up and doing things, and in those more innocent times, doing things that earn you a lot of raised eyebrows nowadays. It was the late sixties, dammit, and we didn't know any better.

The students were concerned about some things in parts of my mouth and gums that I didn't even know had names, but when the Professor arrived to check over their work, they were told that it "sometimes happens, but to keep an eye on it." Since I can't, I expect them to do just that.

The good news is everyone's convinced I'm in reasonably good health. No, I don't know the names of all the things that are wrong, but I'm not worried about most of them, either. I don't expect dentists to worry much about my knees, but, as I said, these University Dental Schools are nothing if not thorough.

I may not see Tiffany again, but I offered my condolences that she'd lose access to all these neat gizmos when she went into private practice. She seemed to understand, but Shervin promised to call me soon with a day and time for my next appointment.

It looks to be three or so visits out before anything actually starts happening. I guess the second thing these students learn, after how to greet a patient ("Hi! I'm Shervin!" - Extend hand) is paperwork. Only after then can they begin practicing on me.