Wrapping up the Holidays

I just finished wrapping my gifts, and the only thing I do better than shop is wrap.

The key to excellent wrapping is to pull everything tight and to take your time. It helps to have a solid surface, too, so this year I used my bed. To wrap a present so that it generates excitement and desire takes practice and, most importantly, luck.

Luck and skill. And a smattering of geometry.

I first assemble what I think I'll need (scissors, tape, wrapping paper) and then proceed to lose each one of them every other minute or so. After each step you need to regroup the supplies, but it's a useless effort since they'll only get lost again or, worse, wrapped up in someone's present. When you're all done you'll find no fewer than three tape dispensers and an assortment of scissors.

The best way to wrap is to give it up entirely and buy some of those festive bags from a Hallmark store and fill them with colorful tissues. This is completely acceptable, but I usually use wrapping paper to show off my mad skillz. When I'm done wrapping a present, it's easy for any child to open them and that's my excuse.

I first make a box since none are ever handy that will fit the present. Leftover floor tiling works fine, as do Sunday newspapers or old coffee cans. After carefully cutting the paper so it will be just short enough to need an ugly patch, I tape the paper to one side of the gift and then roll the gift around until I'm back where I started. Since it's mathematically impossible to end up at a seam that only happens two or three times per wrapping.

If you were smart you put the present near one side of the paper so you won't have to hack off both sides, but that never happens. Since professional wrappers bend over the edges to present a crisp edge you can neglect that step, too.

Try not to have the points on the ends facing different directions, though this is inevitable. It adds character as well as making it damn near impossible to determine which side is up. The more you can confuse and infuriate the recipient, the more hilarity I always say. For that reason alone reinforcing tape, with those strong fibers, is a good choice for securing one or two flaps on a few of the gifts.

When the present's as well wrapped as it will ever be you need to use a sticky to indicate the recipient because someone else in your family will have stolen all the tags. You can add ribbons to make the gift harder to open, or just stick on a bow that will fall off and leave your gift looking naked and tacky. That's the approach I use, and it shows.

With the wide assortment of papers available, you should use the same one for all your gifts. This lets you claim them easier once the tags fall off, and also lets everyone save your gift until they've opened all the good ones and the opening party has descended into chaos and scavenging.

Now I'm off! I hope your Christmas, or other holiday, is all that you'd hoped and more. I wish you all the very best.