Enthusiasm. That's what I lack: enthusiasm and confidence.
No, I don't feel like going through all the pop-psych stuff to gain confidence. A succession of baby steps won't get me where I want to be, which is an entirely different, better-functioning personality, mostly because I won't let it.
No longer despairing, which is good, but still extremely cynical and, perhaps, smug. It's easy to have everything work out the way you expect when you refuse to see any other outcome. The blinders of self-determination are strong, and I would guess, there for a purpose.
I think the thing that bugs me the most is that I totally believe in the whole "the world is what you make it" idea. Since we live in the world we want, how fucked up am I to want this?
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2 comments:
i realize that this is by far not the right time for cliche's, but life is what you make of it. i wish and hope for the best for you. things will eventually pick back up again, soon. i wish the best, really. *sigh* i only wish i had something more constructive to tell you.
no baby steps, eh? can't blame you there. so what's the big blast that's gonna kick you out of this rut? mine will be moving the hell out of the suburbs and back to the city this spring. i'm telling everyone i know so i can't wimp out this time. i've been in this rut for too long. time to blast ourselves out.
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