Grrr

Life continues happening, much to my displeasure.

This morning I awoke to a mildly flooded back hallway (the enclosed porch where the washer, dryer, and hot water heater are located). The water heater is broken and leaking.

When my sister awoke we talked about it. Actually, I came back from the store and she was watching TV. I say, "Oh, shit."
She says, "What?" and I mention the water heater. She says "It looks like someone hit it because it has a dent."

Now a little about me. When she says that I take it as an incrimination. I know *she* didn't hit it, and she later says she knows the dogs couldn't do that so, once again, I'm being blamed for something. Either I'm paranoid, or else simply surrounded by women whom I continually anger or disappoint. I don't have money for a plumber, so here I go farther into debt. I don't want this reality and wish I were dead and didn't have to deal with this shit any more.

Then, my computer broke (this is a backup one). My guess is the graphics card. It runs fine in console mode under BSD, but can't do the graphics for WXP or X-Windows. The linux console works, but looks bad (it has ansi graphics, white letters on blue). I'm letting it rest, hoping that solves the problem. That same course of action, by the way, is how I'm dealing with the water heater and explains my difficulties with life.

So now I'm without the good computer. That may require a new video card, another expense and the hassles of new drivers, again pushing the limits of my know-how. I just hate everything. I know that I'm the reason these things all happen, I keep putting shit off and ignoring reality, so I can only look in the mirror to see the culprit.

Now I wish I had one of those fire in the belly, positive attitudes, the ones that happy and succesful people have. Instead of gritting my teeth and dealing with the problems, I just want them to go away.