Best Left Unsaid

I'm such a nice guy.

One thing I believe in is this whole "if you can't say something nice..." motto. I also try to keep in mind some useful program dogma, which I also use extensively when I write: What's my purpose of saying it? What point am I trying to make? Am I saying it to show off? To hurt? To appear reasonable or likeable?

Since I have a lot of opportunities to respond to things other people say, I get plenty of chances to practice. Unless you were in my head, a pleasant vacation for anyone, you'd never know how much stuff I don't say. I object strongly to censorship in theory, but of course I do scads of it in my own head. I bite off and swallow about as many comments as I ever make, realizing that my reason for wanting to say something isn't justfiable. It's easy for me to be mean or hurtful, rude or insensitive, selfish or self-serving. I struggle to avoid gloating, demeaning, or hateful comments, but they're frequently the first things that pop in my mind. I hide this from everyone except myself, but there's no denying I think them.

Last night I went a long time not saying things I could. My guess is I came across as not paying any attention, but I couldn't think of anything to say that served any purpose other than to make me look good. I don't think conversation was invented so we'd have a way to show off how clever we are.

When you subtract out, also, all the things I can't say because it reflects poorly on those around me, it amazes me that I can find anything to say out loud at all.