Filth

I'm humbled and frightened by the things I keep. So much that was, or seemed, important loses a lot of value over time. People don't, they become more worthwhile and trusted and close, but paperwork has little lasting value.

So much stuff that I've tucked away, hoping to keep it safe, is of little interest and less use to me now. Maybe I'm maturing, maybe I'm getting ruthless, but I no longer care to have all this stuff cluttering my life and threatening to capsize the boat of my existence. I'm not about to question my values, or the values of the younger me to be precise, but I wonder why I don't toss things when I'm done with them.

Surely I learned what I needed to after printing out and studying the FreeBSD FAQ. I have a bound copy of the manual, for chrissakes. I have no idea why I saved for so long the accompanying documentation for I/O boards, and all that OS/2 stuff is just plain embarrassing. I have no idea what I'm planning on doing with that pricey Describe software, but it looks to be headed for the trash.

I lie to myself a lot. Not only about my hopes and my past, but also about my intentions. For a long time I honestly thought I was going to build that one computer that would run all that stuff, for awhile I had it, but I never went back and did what I wanted to. Now, it's all just worthless crap.

I need a lift. Maybe I'll watch the news.