Predictions

You might think that I'm some sort of super-brain. It's true that I exercise my brain more than my body, but for all the work out I give it, it's in pretty shitty shape. Unlike bench presses or curls, my brain is not getting any better and stronger. It gets a lot of exercise, but doesn't seem to improve.

Take, for instance, my predictive abilities. I see things all the time, meet people, go places, have experiences and study books. In none of those ways am I at all different from every regular Joe on the street, but I use all that gained knowledge to try to read the future and see what will happen next. Faith Popcorn has the best job in the world, or did when I first heard of her. She was a futurist, who got paid good money to predict things.

I suppose I could do a halfway decent job of foretelling some future stuff, but nothing anyone would pay me for. I don't know if the radical new Coke 2 (with half the carbs AND half the calories) will be success or not, but I bet if I did that the Coke people couldn't throw money at me fast enough.

No, those sorts of predictions don't interest me. I'm not about to begin having columns in the Enquirer letting the readers know which stars are ripe for breakups and marriages, it's a much more insidious predictive area I struggle in and fail.

I spend an inordinate amount of time figuring out what will happen, or how people will behave. Some call it worrying, I call it planning. Almost like chess, I will say X and he or she will respond with either A or Z. I know what somone will or won't do, I think, I've got them pigeon-holed and all figured out. As soon as I do so -- Wham! -- the Universe hits me with the big "You are so wrong" slap of reality.

I am continually amazed by people. Just floored. I get nearly every detail wrong every time I think I know what will happen. The most amazing part of it is, I seem to forget entirely next time around. In fact, I can't seem to remember from one minute to the next that I have, in fact, never correctly gauged anyone. They exceed and delight me every time I try.

You think I'd know better by now.